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Triply sequelness! Warning: This is the longest one yet!
Starring:
Anneliese as elf #1!
Adrienne
as elf #2!
Katie as elf #3!
Lisa as elf #4!
Mrs. X (censored for our younger readers) as the non-Christmas Grinch!
Byrus
as Santa...or is he?
Cy's stalker, Mike!
Quasi (just for better clarification) as he who shall never be dead!
Faze
2 as Biscuit's hubie.
Spike as himself!
Legolas as himself!
Pere Noel as himself! (teeheehee)
The twins as themselves!
The
mall-goers as...themselves...I guess...
The creepy children as themselves!
Summary: The gang tries to save Mrs.
X from her evil ways and bring the
Christmas spirit to all! Well...sort of.
Dedicated to all those who will be
in places of un-Christmas sacrificing
people and toasting pagan gods.
"OMG guys, thank you so much for coming
with me! Finally! My last hour of
community service, then I shall be free!" cried Adrienne, dropping to her
knees
and reaching toward the sky dramatically.
"Yeah, but I'm thinking this might not have been the best of ideas..." said
Anneliese, looking in the bathroom mirror and frowning at her all green and
fuzzy white costume. She grinned. "I like
the fake ears though," she said,
admiring them in the mirror.
It was true. Katie, Anneliese, and Lisa had agreed
to help Adrienne with her
last hour of required community service by agreeing to be helper elves for
the Christmas
display at the mall. They would be passing out candy canes to
all the kids who came to sit on Santa's lap.
The
four made their way toward the display. There was a red carpet leading
up to a sparkly white sleigh where Santa and the
kids would sit. Behind it
sad a gigantic Christmas tree covered with ornaments and lights. The
platform the sleigh
sat on was surrounded by faux snow and presents.
"Oooh..." said Katie, "sparkly..."
"Oooh..." said Lisa, more
focused on the mall around her, "shopping..."
Adrienne frowned. "We can't go shopping yet! We have to do the Santa
thing
first so I can be free of these chains which bind me to the serving of the
community! Ahhhhhhh!" she cried.
The
rest of the group and even a few of the people in the mall stopped to
stare at her.
"So...what do we do now?" asked
Anneliese, conversing with Lisa and Katie
and Adrienne wandered around the display.
"I guess we just wait," said
Katie, not noticing as one or two creepy
children stopped near Adrienne, staring at her with creepy, wide eyes.
"Wait
for what?" asked Lisa, as more children approached Adrienne, forming a
circle around her.
"Um...guys?" asked Adrienne,
a little worried.
Anneliese shrugged, not noticing Adrienne. "Isn't someone supposed to be
organizing this whole
thing? Or are we standing around in elf costumes for
no apparent reason?" She asked, tugging her green Santa hat farther
down on
her head.
Suddenly, a flash of red zipped by them. They turned around to see Cy hiding
behind a pile
of faux presents, out of breath. "Is he there?" he whispered,
looking very afraid.
Lisa squinted at him. "Why are
you dressed like that?"
"Like what?"
"You're wearing a Santa costume." said Katie. She paused. "Don't tell me
you
volunteered to be Santa for this thing."
Cy shook his head. "No, I just like the costume."
"Oh...kay..."
said Anneliese. "So who are you hiding from?"
Just as the words came out of her mouth, Mike seemed to fly through the
air,
landing on Cy's lap.
Cy screamed. "Get away from me!"
Mike grinned. "I want a boat, and a plane, and
a-"
"For the millionth time! I am not Santa! Stop sitting on me!" he managed to
get away, running through the crowded
mall in his Santa attire, his arms
flailing wildly about him.
"No!" cried Mike, "Wait, I'm not finished!" he took
off after Cy, and they
were both soon out of sight.
The three girls looked at each other for a moment, before being
broken from
their confusion by a scream.
"Guys!" pleaded Adrienne, "Help me!" She was now surrounded by a swarm
of
children, who seemed to be rocking slowly back and forth, entranced. "Um,
here, take a...a candy cane!" She threw
one into the crowd, knocking one of
the kids out cold. "Oops, um, sorry!" She turned to her friends. "What
should
I do! Get them away from me!" She started whimpering.
"Oh my God!" cried Lisa. "What should we do?!"
Katie looked
around frantically. "Is there a rope around here?"
Anneliese grabbed a string of lights and swung it around her head
like a
lasso. "Here!" she called. "Catch!" She threw the lights over the mob of
children to Adrienne.
"Just
hang on!" called Katie. "We're going to pull you in!" She turned to
Lisa and Anneliese. "Ready guys?"
They were
about to start pulling Adrienne back to safety, when all of a
sudden there was a tug from the other end of the rope. They
looked on in
horror as some of the creepy children began to attack the rope, hanging off
of it with their teeth. One
of them managed to break it in two.
Adrienne screamed again, when all of a sudden, a dark shadow fell over the
mob.
The children were broken from their trance and looked over at the dark
figure, frightened. They broke apart and scurried
back into the Christmas
shopping frenzy that crowded the mall.
The four elf-like friends slowly turned to look
up into the face of...Mrs.
X. They all cringed.
"What were all of those children doing? All the children in the
world should
die," said Mrs. X, winking at Adrienne.
Adrienne took a step backward.
All of a sudden, Anneliese
picked up one of the giant plastic candy canes in
the display and started ruthlessly beating Mrs. X with it. "Take that!"
she
screamed. "And that!" She started laughing like a maniac when suddenly she
realized she had been daydreaming and
Mrs. X was still standing there
unharmed. "Oh," Anneliese said aloud.
Mrs. X turned her gaze on Lisa. "Congratulations,
Lisa, you get a D on your
quiz."
Lisa gasped. "But-but I got all the questions right!"
"But I don't like
you," said Mrs. X, grinning.
Lisa sighed and turned to Adrienne, who was hiding in the sleigh, covering
her face.
Mrs.
X looked at the sleigh in disgust. "You all know that Santa Claus isn't
real, don't you? They just made that up so that
when serial killers come in
and steal your children-"
She was cut off by a poof of red and green sparkly smoke.
The smoke cleared,
revealing a happy, smiling old man.
"Santa!" the girls exclaimed in unison.
"Does this
mean we start passing out candy?" asked Anneliese.
Katie shrugged. "I guess."
"Ho, ho, ho!" chuckled Santa,
jiggling like a bowl full of jelly. "Merry
Christmas. Have you been a good girl this year, Mrs. X?"
"You mean besides
torturing my students?"
Santa looked confused. "Erm..."
Mrs. X smiled. "I am always quite proper and well behaved."
Santa
smiled. "Ho, ho, ho! In that case, I will grant you your Christmas
wish!" Suddenly, there was another poof of smoke. From
it appeared the man
that had come into the chemistry room that one time.
"Oh, why I-" started Mrs. X, blushing.
The
man smiled. "Mrs. X? I mean...Penny?"
Mrs. X giggled.
The girls stared on in awe. Mrs. X NEVER giggles!
The
man held out his arm. "Would you care to join be for a game of...bingo?"
Mrs. X grinned. "I would love to," she said,
taking the man's arm. They
walked away gazing lovingly into one another's eyes. "Oh, girls, you all get
A+s in chemistry
by the way," Mrs. X called, her eyes never leaving her
hubie's face. They disappeared into the vast swarm of shoppers
in the mall.
"Mrs. X has a hubie? That's-that's sick and wrong!" said Katie. "What if
they get married! And have
kids! A bunch of little stoners they'll be. And
then the world will-"
"Katie!" said Lisa. "They're both like 104
years old! I don't think they'll
be having any little demon children named Pearl anytime soon!"
"Pearl?" asked
Anneliese.
"Oh," said Lisa. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Come on, guys, now that the guy playing Santa is here
we can start our
community-" she paused, realizing that the rather jolly man had disappeared.
"Hey, where'd he go?"
The
girls looked around.
"He was just right here! He couldn't have just disappeared into thin air."
said Anneliese.
Katie's
eyes widened. "What if he was the real thing?"
"What?" asked Lisa.
Katie rolled her eyes. "You know, Santa Claus,
Kris Kringle, Père Noël,
Padre Navidad, Vater Weihnachten, Pai-"
"We get it!" said Lisa. "But that can't happen!"
Katie
glared at her. "Well, how would you explain all that red and green
smoke and Mrs. X's hubie coming out of nowhere?"
"But
it couldn't have been the real Santa!" cried Adrienne.
"Did somebody say Santa?" said a voice from behind them.
Adrienne
screamed and grabbed a faux icicle to protect herself. "I have a
restraining order on you!" she cried. "Plus, you're supposed
to have died!
Twice!"
Quasi laughed. "I never die! Don't you realize it's just symbolic of the way
that I never
leave you alone?" he paused. "Anyway, I'm here to be Santa. I
need that community service credit too!"
All of a
sudden, Faze 2 dove from the rafters of the mall dressed in *gasp*
a Santa costume! He landed and unhooked his bungee
cord. "Hey, Quasi,
there's only enough room in that sleigh for one Santa," he said, grabbing a
giant faux lollipop.
Quasi
glared at him and grabbed a faux lollipop of his own. "Bring it on!"
They began fighting, both wielding four-foot plastic
lollipops. Adrienne
looked on in horror as the others went for help. The fight ended with a
security guard dragging
Quasi away kicking and screaming. "This isn't over,
Faze 2!"
Faze 2 shook his head solemnly before running to see
if Adrienne was
alright.
"Looks like Adrienne got what she wanted for Christmas. An incarcerated Mike
and Faze
2 all to herself." said Lisa.
"Hey!" said Katie. "Maybe if we make a wish it will come true, what with the
real
Santa having been here and all."
"It wasn't the real Santa!" said Anneliese. "But I suppose it's worth a
shot."
The
three closed their eyes and wished as hard as they could. They opened
their eyes a few seconds later and looked around.
"Guess
it didn't work," said Lisa.
"Damn," said Katie. She looked up at the sky. "Why does Adrienne get all the
luck?"
She was about to turn her head back down, when she noticed something
above her head. "Is that...mistletoe?" She spun around
and came face to face
with...Spike!
He gave her a quick kiss. "Have a bloody Merry Christmas!" He said, before
giving Lisa a kiss. He then disappeared.
"Did that just happen?" asked Katie, stunned.
Lisa was speechless.
"I...I...I...don't...know."
Anneliese was upset. "Hey, what about me?"
"Will I do?" asked a voice from behind
her.
She spun around to see *gasp* Legolas! On a horse, smiling a delicious
smile!
"Hop on!" he said.
Anneleise
didn't need any further persuasion. She hopped on and together
they rode into the non-sunset of the mall.
Katie
and Lisa were in a daze.
"Right," said Katie. "So, uh, how should we end this?"
"We could break into song,"
said Lisa.
Katie grinned. "Okay! One, two, three, four!"
"Ohhhh..." they began in unison.
"My chemistry
tests are frightful, but CAT 2 is so delightful," they sang.
Adrienne and Faze 2 stopped making out to join in. "And
since we all hate
high school,"
Random people from the mall started singing and dancing in unison with them.
"Let
it burn, let it burn, let it burn,"
Suddenly, Anneliese and Legolas returned and Spike reappeared! And the
twins!
"When we finally graduate, how I hate that I won't get into college,"
Mrs. X and her hubie came back to join in. "But
if I go to Shain Park, I can
be a hobo in the alley!"
"Take it away, Lisa!" shouted Katie.
"Oh my brain
is slowly dying," she sang. "Go on, Katie!"
"And my friend is suicidal," Katie said with a wink.
"Everybody!"
they shouted, synchronized.
"And since we all hate high school, let it burn, let it burn, let it burn!"
They
all smiled and were kind to one another, for they were in the Christmas
spirit and all was happy.
A magical sleigh
flew overhead. "Merry Christmas to all!" shouted the
mysterious man inside. "And to all a good night!"
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